Tag Archives: Love

My Knight

My wife wrote this for me about this time last year after we had started dating.  I do not have the words to explain how much it truly means to me. I read it often, and each time I take away a new perspective on how deeply we are connected and much love exists in our relationship.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I do. KW

Lots of women say they want a knight in shining armor…not me.  The way I see it is, a knight in shining armor symbolizes a man who has never been to war.  He has talked the talk, but he hasn’t walked the walk. He’s never gotten his hands dirty, never fought for what he wants.  The knight in shining armor may be prepared and have good intentions, but he lacks the necessary experience needed to go to war. 

I have found something much more rare and valuable than a knight in shining armor.  Ladies, start looking for a knight with worn and tattered armor. At first glance he may appear a little rough around the edges, but I assure you he has a heart of gold and knows what it takes to protect the princess. This knight is often overlooked, but don’t underestimate this dark horse.  He has seen battle and knows how to keep you safe from harm and is willing to go to the ends of the Earth to prove himself. 
The knight in tattered armor will show you true love. He will not only tell you that you are beautiful, but he will make you believe it – even when you’re at your worse & those are the times you’ll actually appeal to him the most. 
This knight will encourage you to be yourself and longs for you to be comfortable in your own skin.  He’s not looking for glitz and glamour, he’s looking for real. 
This knight is a true gentleman.  He will open your doors, carry your bags, kiss you on the forehead, protect you and cherish you.  He doesn’t do these things because he thinks he is superior to you, he does these things because it’s his way of showing how much he respects and values you. 
This knight will know there are certain times a girl HAS to have her chocolate and he’ll bring it to her at precisely the right moment. 
This knight will fill you with such joy and he’ll make you laugh until tears stream down your face, you snort and your entire body hurts in a remarkably fabulous way. 
This knight will make you feel like the most important person in the entire world. His eyes will pierce your soul and time will stand still.  Nothing and no one else will matter. 
When you meet this knight, you’ll know it.  You will feel an immediate, intensely intimate connection unlike anything you have ever known before. 
This knight will refuse to accept your standard “I’m fine” response when he asks you what’s wrong.  He’ll know better and make you tell him what’s really wrong and then he’ll hold you tightly in his arms and make everything better. 
When you meet this knight let him know just how special he truly is, never let him go and sit back and laugh at all the silly girls searching for the wrong knight.

Forward Looking

This past week has been one of the more difficult weeks I have had since the passing of my wife.  As I had mentioned before a few times, I have the confirmation and that peace in my heart that she is in a good place, and that she is happy being there.  I no longer struggle with that, I know because I feel it.  My oldest daughter told me just last night out of the blue that she could feel Mommy around her and knew she was there.  That was a wonderful thing for me to hear, because my kids are learning that confirmation as well.  But now, I have realized I have this empty void to fill, and that is a very difficult thing to explain and understand.

I guess maybe it is fear of moving on, or fear of change.  My life and my children’s life have changed so dramatically I have not even begun to figure out what any next step is.  I do a good job just to keep up with all of the housework and the wants and needs of each kid.  I am not saying that I can’t do it, although sometimes I wonder, but even with everyone’s help around me, it is still hard to figure where to go.  Some may say it doesn’t matter now, do it at my own time, and that makes sense I get that, but I cannot just put my life on hold until I figure out what to do.  Life keeps going, and if I stop for too long I will fall behind, and that is a bad thing.

I am not trying to say that I am just ready to forget it all and move on and never look back, that would be impossible.  I am simply saying that getting back to the day-to-day schedule, the routines, and life in general, is proving to be a very difficult thing for me right now.  I am doing it, because I have to, not necessarily because I want to.  And, I know I could not do it without those around me giving me a hand when I need it, as much as I hate it and feel like a burden, there is no way I would be able to be where I am.  Support and love is key in healing.

I just hope someday I can find happiness again.  I have learned so much about love and happiness over that past few years, and it truly is a wonderful thing. I miss that feeling so much, and I want it back.  I am grateful for all Heather and I was able to share and to learn together.  Those connections with each other, I will always cherish, and hold close to me. But now, that is what I miss the most. . . those feelings.

Sharing Experiences

Something occurred to me the other day as I was out playing golf and had some time on my hands to kind of just stare off and ponder a few things.  As we go through life we always have those situations or experiences that either keep us stagnant us or help us to grow and be successful.  Some things I am sure are quite simple for some, others I am sure have much more difficult experiences to deal with.  We always have a tendency to look back and say, “I really wish I would have done that different,” or “I could have done that better.” Sometimes our experiences in life are beyond our control and we can’t necessarily say, “I wish I could have done that differently.” because it wasn’t our fault to begin with.  I also think to a degree we learn for other people’s experiences as well.

A few years ago, my wife began to have repressed memories resurface of sexual abuse as a young child.  Obviously I had no idea what to do or what to say, it really caught me off guard. It was as if I was thrown to the ground and was being crushed by some big giant heavy object.  Everything was in disarray, and I had never been so confused, angry, and at times even depressed myself.  This was a totally new learning curve for me and for our family.  Pretty much up to that point, my life had been somewhat normal, and I was angry because I didn’t ask for this, and it wasn’t fair. Anyway, after so many tears, so many restless nights, and so much pain, things began to slowly get better.  We learned different ways and different techniques in order to better help us cope with the situation.  None of it was or is easy.  It is still an ongoing process and I am sure to some degree it always will be, but I feel like tremendous progress has been made, and we are in a much better place because of it.

My point being, that even though this was not my experience to overcome, I have shared it with my wife, and have learned so many things and have gained such a different outlook on life for it, that it has changed me as a person.  I have learned how to set boundaries, how meditation is such a useful tool, and how sometimes patience is the most important thing in a relationship.  I am not saying that I am glad this has happened, because that is as far away from the truth as you can get.  All I am getting at is that when you share experiences with others, you learn and gain from them, either for the good or the bad, just as you do your own.  And, in some ways I believe it can help people grow closer together by taking the time to share them.

Not sure what you think. . .but it Workes for me

. IMG_20140330_132634628

Some Christmas Spirit

The past few weeks my oldest daughter has been counting down the days until Christmas, as I am sure most children are.  I can see the excitement mount with each passing day and her eyes light up at the mention of Santa Claus.  On this particular Christmas Eve, and rare day off from work, she came into our room this morning, woke me up, and shouted, “It’s Christmas Eve!”  As she laid there, I noticed a beaming smile of warmth, charity, and love.  Not only has she been impatiently awaiting the fat guy in a red suit, she has put forth so much time and effort to make sure that everyone else is as excited as she.  Her room is decorated with Christmas lights, her own small tree that her and her sister picked out, and many other various decorations to help put our entire household in the Christmas spirit.  She has taken it upon herself to give gifts to just about everyone she knows, most of which are homemade, and put together with so much love.  Last night as we were driving through the Christmas lights display, she took out her wallet with her hard earned money form doing various chores, and wanted to put all of it in the donation box.  

I remember being that preteen age, and having that giddy feeling the closer it got to Christmas, but I never can remember having the willingness and desire to give and help others as she has.  I think this Christmas, I will try and learn valuable lessons from my daughter to love more, help more, and serve more.  You see, at an early age, she already knows what the true meaning of Christmas, something that has taken me into adulthood to understand.  My hope is that all will have a very Merry Christmas, and to remember our fellow neighbors, family, and friends.  Simple lessons learned from a child. Merry Christmas!

Not sure about you. . . but it workes for me.