Most days, my thoughts are all over the place, especially with the events I have experienced over the past few months. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, any kind of thoughts really. I have never in my life had to experience that amount of thoughts that enter my brain on a daily basis. Aside from the chores and tasks of the day, my thoughts run rampant in my mind, and sometimes my mind literally will go into vapor lock, until I can stop and think, even just for a second. I know my kids get frustrated with me, because they will talk to me, and I just have to stare at them for a minute until I can figure out what exactly it is they are talking about. I don’t like it, because it makes me feel inadequate, and makes me feel like a failure. However, I am quickly learning that these thoughts HAVE to be processed, and it is very helpful and encouraging to me learning how to do this and how it works.
One thing I have noticed is taking the time, whether it be a few minutes or a few days, just to myself, to clear my head. Sometimes it is just taking a walk, a couple of hours on the front porch, or a long drive with my music cranked. That time has become very important to me, almost critical, it allows me to get one thing processed, then move on to the next. One by one, my thoughts become less cloudy and chaotic. Sometimes, I feel really guilty to my children for taking that time, but I need it. At least for now, maybe someday, I will be able to handle it a little differently, but it is what it is.
Slowly but surely it gets better and better. School will be starting soon, and it will help tremendously getting things back in order, and staying focused. Also, it will take a load off of my brain, and maybe help even more with my thought process. One thought at a time.