This past week has been a little. . . odd, let’s say. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I guess, it just wasn’t what I was ever expecting. In my last post I had mentioned that I had two great days in a row, which is true, but I never thought I would have more than that.
I kept relatively busy over that holiday weekend, which was kind of nice, I needed that. Spent some time with friends blowing things up, taking my kids shopping, and just hanging out with them, simply trying to keep moving. In doing so, I realized, I am really doing relatively well. I feel good. My body is starting to feel like it has energy and reason to move now. My mind (which does, has, and always will run ninety miles per hour) is starting to focus a little better, which is good. But, what keeps eating at me is, should it be?
I think I am feeling a little guilty for feeling good, and wanting to enjoy and get back to life. It seems as though I should just continue to curl up on the couch and cease to function, but that isn’t how I feel. It sounds a little insensitive and maybe even a little shallow to think that I lost my wife not too long ago, and now I feel. . . Good?
I know I have to make things better, they will not do it on their own, and that gives me reason to get going, and see what lies ahead. I know it won’t be easy, and it never will be, but that is for me to take care of. It is my timetable, no one else’s. I choose to create my path instead of waiting for something that may or may not ever come. I wish to create something real.
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”